today was the first time i ever cried in college. it felt so bad. i went to a secluded area and just cried my eyes out. i couldnt take it anymore. i was thinking of her the whole day today. how was she, what was she doing, was she having more fun with him than me, is she safe, have she been treated well, and all of the little things. i was afraid. i was afraid of moving on. this by far has been the worst breakup in my whole life. eventhough i consider this as my first love, i still take it as an average relationship. all the relationships i had before, nothing compares to what i went through with her. nothing.
it was the best 2005 that i would never forget. the memories, the feelings, the time we spent together, the love we shared together and the amount of love i gave her. i gave her my heart and soul, but she just burnt them into dust. i've always dreamed of a perfect relationship that i would have. i thought that perfect relationship was her. she was the emptiness that fulfilled me. she made me whole. but i was dead wrong. she made me feel like i was on top of the world when she wanted me to. at the end, i fell back down on my knees begging for forgiveness, something that i've done no wrong to. i just felt that i was wrong, but didnt know what was the reason. i just wanted her to be happy.
today, i almost got into a fight with my classmate. he was pissing me off. luckily for him i held my cool and didnt ask him to take it outside. i didnt care if i won the fight or not, its to let loose my anger. either on the floor bleeding or standing up tall with my head held high.
there is a weakness in my eyes that everyone can see. once they see it, they make use of my weakness. they play little games that make me so hurt, but they wouldnt know. just because. i was born with a deformility. i rather not say what it is. it would just pull me lower as where i already stand. only God and i know what it is. only God and i shall share this secret.
finding places to hide in college is rather hard nowadays. everyone seems to be everywhere. i cant seem to find a safehouse anymore. i just wish i could run away from where im. i give up. i give up on everything. once a failure, always a failure. theres nothing this stupid little boy can do about it. nothing.
rick.
it was the best 2005 that i would never forget. the memories, the feelings, the time we spent together, the love we shared together and the amount of love i gave her. i gave her my heart and soul, but she just burnt them into dust. i've always dreamed of a perfect relationship that i would have. i thought that perfect relationship was her. she was the emptiness that fulfilled me. she made me whole. but i was dead wrong. she made me feel like i was on top of the world when she wanted me to. at the end, i fell back down on my knees begging for forgiveness, something that i've done no wrong to. i just felt that i was wrong, but didnt know what was the reason. i just wanted her to be happy.
today, i almost got into a fight with my classmate. he was pissing me off. luckily for him i held my cool and didnt ask him to take it outside. i didnt care if i won the fight or not, its to let loose my anger. either on the floor bleeding or standing up tall with my head held high.
there is a weakness in my eyes that everyone can see. once they see it, they make use of my weakness. they play little games that make me so hurt, but they wouldnt know. just because. i was born with a deformility. i rather not say what it is. it would just pull me lower as where i already stand. only God and i know what it is. only God and i shall share this secret.
finding places to hide in college is rather hard nowadays. everyone seems to be everywhere. i cant seem to find a safehouse anymore. i just wish i could run away from where im. i give up. i give up on everything. once a failure, always a failure. theres nothing this stupid little boy can do about it. nothing.
rick.
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